Actor Justin Baldoni from ‘Jane The Virgin’ tackles toxic masculinity

His new book, “Boys Will Be Humans,” is an instructional guide to embracing emotions and developing meaningful relationships.

Justin Baldoni
Justin Baldoni Courtesy HarperCollins
Justin Baldoni
Justin Baldoni Courtesy HarperCollins

Actor Justin Baldoni from ‘Jane The Virgin’ tackles toxic masculinity

His new book, “Boys Will Be Humans,” is an instructional guide to embracing emotions and developing meaningful relationships.

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Actor and filmmaker Justin Baldoni is best known for playing Rafael Solano in the dramedy series “Jane The Virgin.” He also directed “Five Feet Apart” and “Clouds.” But in recent years he’s pursued a passion beyond the fim set: writing and speaking about toxic masculinity.

In 2021 his first book, Man Enough, explored Baldoni’s own struggles with body image, sexuality and masculinity. Baldoni also hosts the Man Enough podcast,where he discusses how being a man butts up against various aspects of modern life — from privilege to sex.

He told The New York Times in 2019 that his onscreen transformation in “Jane The Virgin” prepared him for his current project: “I explored masculinity, digging into the parts of myself that are uncomfortable, and learning about equality and privilege. And it really cracked me open.”

Baldoni’s latest book, which came out Oct. 5, is Boys Will Be Human. Through gut-check exercises and personal stories, Baldoni provides a guide to help young boys break through harmful patterns and build a pathway to more meaningful relationships.

The author recently joined WBEZ Reset to talk about his new book.

On the structure of the book:

I’d never written a book for younger kids. In our research and conversation with our editorial team at HarperCollins, we said: we should have some stuff in this book that’s more interactive. It’s one thing to take on and take in information. It’s another thing to apply it. So there’s a lot of gut-checks. There’s these little moments in the book where I asked boys to do an exercise or to think about things and it’s great for parents as well. It can be as simple as stopping and thinking about your fears, and feeling what they feel like in your body.

On his own healing journey:

I go to therapy weekly. I’ve been going to therapy weekly for years. So I think that’s deeply important, because I need a safe place to talk about my feelings outside of my partnership with my wife. I cannot make my wife my therapist.

On whether topics like consent and sexuality are too mature for a younger audience:

Would you rather have a talk with your young boy in response to something? Or would you rather prepare him for something? Now, as men, we’re often taught being prepared is so important, right? We work out, we get fit, so we can be prepared for something. You want to be prepared for a fight. But yet, we’re not preparing ourselves or our young boys emotionally for life. And for what’s ahead of them, what’s going to happen to them. I see a lot of fathers trying to prepare their boys for the world by toughening them up. But all they’re doing is perpetuating the same.

On how he feels now that the book is out in the world:

I feel good. My last book, Man Enough, was terrifying. I was so scared to release that book. Because I had for the first time shared so much about myself, and so much about my story, and the things that have happened to me in an attempt to help other men feel less alone in theirs. And I know that men learn from other men, right? This is the idea of what masculinity is. It’s taught. It’s not innate. And so I had already done a lot of that work, a lot of that healing work, a lot of that terrifying stuff of going, “Wait, I’m a filmmaker and an actor, like, why am I telling all these stories about myself that are so embarrassing? Or why am I sharing so much? Is that going to make me less cool or less interesting, or ruin the mystique?” And then I had to work through all that. Because, again, those are just stories that I tell myself, these are just insecurities that I and all men have.

On whether this book is an attempt to solve the problem of young men committing mass violence:

Absolutely not. I’m not gonna say that this is the antidote to mass murderers by any means, but all of those boys are connected. They felt isolated, they felt alone, they felt like outcasts, and they were dealing with traumas. They were bullied. They were radicalized in many ways.

And what is killing or shooting other than an outburst of rage? And what if you could connect to that rage? Before it became rage? What’s behind it? What’s behind it is deep sadness, and disconnection. In many ways, the way we’re raising our boys is the pure definition of insanity: we’re doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. So we have to do something different if we want the outcome to be different, and we have to reach our young boys before this stuff happens.

Claire Hyman is a digital engagement producer at WBEZ. Follow her @hyimclaire.